The Topic of the Day is: Tuesday, May 02, 2006
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I had never cut myself so deeply before.

It's funny how I can write about the blood that comes from wounds, how it runs down the skin and leaves its mark behind, the blades that cause it and the sweet pain that results... but of course I've never experienced anything like it. Whenever I cut myself they are shallow wounds that start to seal before the bandaid's on, and they never bleed enough to run.

This time was different. I noticed when I picked up the wire cutters that they were sharp--it was surprising to me, of course, because I thought they were the pair that Josh busted up last summer trying to cut through the iron bands that held our telescope bases together. They looked identical from a distance, but as I picked them up I had noticed how smooth and sharp the blades looked, and I knew they couldn't have been the pair he ruined. I didn't know we had another pair.

It wasn't surprising when one of the twin blades buried itself in my left pointer finger. I had slipped several times while trying to shove one blade between the bundle of wires and the rubber coating, and each time the cutters jabbed violently to the left, all the force of my powerful right hand behind them. Each time they did that I think I felt a little thrill of fear in me at how close I had come to jabbing myself. So when it actually happened it wasn't a surprise--it was just a jerking motion, and a sudden stop, and then I pulled them out quickly and put them down, dropped the wire bundle I was mauling. Told my coworkers I'd stabbed myself and that I'd be right back.

The walk to the old lab, where the bandaids are kept, was not long--thirty seconds, perhaps? I noticed as I walked that the blood was pooling along the cut and the wound started to turn purple or bruised. It was fascinating the way the scarlet liquid gathered--like crimson rain drops on the back of my hand, clinging precariously to the roughened edges of my skin. I had the sense to cup one hand under the other by the time I reached the printer room, halfway to the old lab.

The blood welled, and then it slid down my skin and dribbled into my palm.

I was walking so I couldn't appreciate this effect as much as I would have liked. In the stories the moment of blood dribbling, turning from a line, a puddle of red into droplets is the most magical moment, of course. Those drops are supposed to hover forever.

This felt like it happened when I was blinking--one moment the cluster of scarlet was gathering, growing, the next it had followed the line of my finger and then there was a tiny collection in my other palm.

Like I said, I've cut myself before. As a child, frustrated with an orange and my weak fingers, I took one of those small dinner steak knives to the fruit and slipped on its rounded surface. Pinpricks while sewing, scratches from tree branches, doorways, walls, and fire alarms, marks with a jabbed pen or even a knife at work--they litter my arms and hands here and there.

But this in itself was exceptional. What an interesting wound, with all that blood gathering...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a morbid freak and I don't cut on myself. I'm no Reaver. I just like how things bleed in stories, and this was both a rare chance for observation and an interesting opportunity to apply those fictions to myself, if only for a moment.

Maybe I thought I was Xiraya, or Ilviras--blood at the tips of my fingers. I didn't try to cast a spell... technically I've already paid, so it should be a freebie. I shall have to look into this later ;)

3 Comments:

Blogger Gretchen

I did the same thing with the steak knife- only I was sort of trying to make a whistle out of a carrot and for some reason the steak knife seemed the best option.

At first glance I thought this was a narrative describing (intentional) cutting, and I got a little worried. But now I'm not so worried. You're awesome and poetical.

9:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous

Tas says:

yeeeeeeeowch. steak knives are evil... uh... how does one make a whistle out of a carrot? o_0

I was a little worried that it would be seen as weird, but then I figured, the only people who read my blog are intelligent human beings who can figure it out.

<3 you. last sci fi club tomorrow.... free piiiizzzaaaa *tries to tempt you in, o busy one*

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous

I'd be there. I like pizza :)

You had me worried too, for a minute. And then I remembered who you were :) Very nice - I like it.

By the way, thanks for the affirming comment yesterday ^_^

11:44 AM  

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