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The Topic of the Day is: Thursday, June 08, 2006 | |
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As we were driving back from the pet store yesterday one of my friends started talking about some guy he or she knew. This guy was supposedly huge, never took care of himself, all smelly and nasty, and did nothing but read books all day, had a dirty apartment and everything, but read books constantly. I mean, constantly. It felt strange listening to them because I could empathize with him, could understand why he might make the choices he did. When one has a body that is repulsive to others, there's a certain inherent level of jealousy and self-hatred implicit. Such a body is repulsive to oneself as well, to the point where having to take care of such a body is to have to touch, handle, and DEAL WITH it, all the while knowing intimately that terrible impotency in changing things. There's nothing you can do about it. You can't change it, you can't fix it--you can pull at the folds of fat and they never, ever go away. Could one be blamed then for wanting to distance oneself entirely from the misshapen and repulsive body to which one belongs? It's such an obscure feeling. If you've never been fat you can't know it, the dislike of one's own body to the point of exhaustion and an internal pain that just sits on your shoulder, a black vulture, and dwells there. It chirps at you all the time, telling you what you are. You don't know it--you can't know it. The sense of powerlessness associated with self. That's the great pain, that never being able to escape oneself. Hence the ignoring of it, the failure to attempt to remedy it. Losing weight is a goal akin to transcending the sun and becoming a god--it's so distant that it's infeasible entirely. Hence the need for escape. the fantasy worlds where even fat people are powerful, the places that exist where the body is not--which is everything, not being in oneself. That is the only way to exist without being weighed down by that vulture on the shoulder, as always. |
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My Other Writing Sites | |
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Webcomics | |
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Stories I'm currently working on. | |
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***Tbook1 (Time and Chaos, needs a new name, needs to be edited) ***Book of Sun (Just needs to be edited. Tis a Nano novel) ***Book of Whispers part 1 (Does not jive at all with part 2; needs to be rewritten to fit and to have less suckage) ***Book of Whispers part 2 (Needs some rehaul editing, needs some loose ends tied up, needs to fit) ***Book of Whispers part 3 (Needs to be finished... then needs to die o.o Not sure if I need a third part in the series) ***Dium's Story (Needs a point, progress, anything... needs to be integrated into Tbook1, since that is what it is a part of, mainly) ***Trio Story with Jackie and Louise (Maybe we should get together and work on this, guys) ***Demon Story (This is working out pretty good so far. I like the plot, it's a bit convoluted, and the characters are interesting) ***New Witch Story (It's only 30 pages long, dang) ***Dragon's Voices (This has SO much potential! wee!) | |
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1 Comments:
Oh Kristen, hun. This is beautiful - i love the way you're able to see this deep and empathize with other people. It's such a toss off because the people who learn to hide like that usually have such stellar personalities.. and then you get these great looking people who tend to have the personality of a piece of popcorn... *hugs* Kristen, you are such a beautiful girl, please don't forget that. I love you, talk to you soon :)
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