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The Topic of the Day is: Sunday, April 06, 2008 | |
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Today I felt too big for the space I'm in. Not in a sense of me being a large woman, but in the sense that everything loomed over me and pressed too closely. I wanted to kick down the walls, or run screaming along the rooftops. I want to press my face up against the sky and have nothing in my vision but the swirls of silver and blue clouds in the dying afternoon light. I took off my glasses--I couldn't take being framed in any more. I *ran* out of the building on my break and walked restlessly for minutes, scarcely looking, letting the cold wind pull my elbows and soothe my aching neck. My head is all tight, like someone wrapped it in spandex and squeezed. I want to let go, to burst free. I want to kick things and run. I'm impatient. I don't know what's going on. I want to lie on the ground in the dark at the observatory and let the galaxy wheel overhead for hours, listen to the yap of coyotes, shiver in the icy night wind. I don't want streetlights, my small bedroom, 4 walls, a routine. I'm too impatient for reading novels, perhaps even for playing video games. It's hard to sit here on a computer and write. Maybe a notebook under the stars. No stars tonight--too cloudy--but still, that's what I want. The warm damp earth under me, my head reaching up until my neck aches with stretching, stars brushing like spray against my cheeks. I want to hold different things in my hands--angora, 100% silk yarn, baby alpaca, glass, marble, and chiffon, and gelatin, and mushrooms, hot water, granite, sand, warm crumbling moist dirt, and splintering wood. I want to press them to the back of my neck, I want to feel them in my sensitive palms. I don't know why I'm so restless. I want to tear free from my foundations, but not because I dislike them--I feel like I'm too much for them any more. I've spent all this time training to move beyond undergraduate, and maybe I'm ready--but then again, I'm not, I suppose. there are still classes that I would benefit from having. But on the other hand... yes. I think I'm ready. I'm ready for more. Finger Eleven: One Thing: Restless tonight Cause I wasted the light Between both these times I drew a really thin line It's nothing I planned And not that I can But you should be mine Across that line [Chorus:] If I traded it all If I gave it all away for one thing Just for one thing If I sorted it out If I knew all about this one thing Wouldn't that be something I promise I might Not walk on by Maybe next time But not this time Even though I know I don't want to know Yeah I guess I know I just hate how it sounds |
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My Other Writing Sites | |
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Webcomics | |
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Stories I'm currently working on. | |
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***Tbook1 (Time and Chaos, needs a new name, needs to be edited) ***Book of Sun (Just needs to be edited. Tis a Nano novel) ***Book of Whispers part 1 (Does not jive at all with part 2; needs to be rewritten to fit and to have less suckage) ***Book of Whispers part 2 (Needs some rehaul editing, needs some loose ends tied up, needs to fit) ***Book of Whispers part 3 (Needs to be finished... then needs to die o.o Not sure if I need a third part in the series) ***Dium's Story (Needs a point, progress, anything... needs to be integrated into Tbook1, since that is what it is a part of, mainly) ***Trio Story with Jackie and Louise (Maybe we should get together and work on this, guys) ***Demon Story (This is working out pretty good so far. I like the plot, it's a bit convoluted, and the characters are interesting) ***New Witch Story (It's only 30 pages long, dang) ***Dragon's Voices (This has SO much potential! wee!) | |
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2 Comments:
I love the reference to yarn. I miss you. (Hugs)
I feel you. I want exactly. But is it so wrong to want it with you? To want the time and inclination to open myself up, with you? Not to chase after you (like I feel like I always do), not to hold you back or down (like I feel like I always do), but to both of us let go like helium molecules, and I break off of this foundation and float (not float, cruise, swim, spread-armed) away from this. And look over and see you there, with me, not in a restrictive way, but because we made it to the sky.
<3 SAJ
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